What's in the roots shows in the branches... but it isn't the whole tree.

I recently came across the phrase, "What's in the roots shows in the branches." It was being used to explain why a young person couldn't simply be "healed."

It made me stop and think.

Perhaps there is truth in it.

Our children don't arrive as blank pages. They bring genetics, temperament, prenatal experiences, early relationships, loss, trauma, culture and family history. Those roots matter. They feed the tree long before we meet it.

But I don't think the story ends there.

As parents, carers and professionals, we don't get to change the roots.

What we can do is tend the tree.

We can enrich the soil with safety, connection and belonging.

We can add nutrients through play, creativity, relationships and opportunities to succeed.

We can gently prune where growth has become tangled, helping children develop new skills without trying to change who they are.

We can understand that every season looks different. There will be times of rapid growth, times of standing still and even times when it feels as though nothing is happening at all. Yet beneath the surface, roots are still growing.

I've always seen children as individuals, yet I can remember hearing adults say, "They're just like me," or, "They get that from our family." I even caught myself doing it years ago with my nieces, before laughing at the thought that they weren't biologically related to me at all.

Then I became an adoptive mum.

Ironically, despite our obvious genetic differences, I still find myself occasionally saying, "That's just like me," or looking for similarities between us. Perhaps it's simply human nature to search for ourselves in the people we love.

Yet I wonder if some of the conflict we experience within families comes when our expectations become stronger than our curiosity. Children aren't projects to complete. They are individuals who deserve the freedom to become themselves. Of course, our role is to scaffold them towards safety, kindness and healthy choices, but somewhere along the journey our role slowly changes. We move from being the chief gardener, shaping every branch, to becoming the steady supporter who continues to nurture whatever grows.

Trees, in my opinion, are sublime.

Each one holds extraordinary potential, yet none of us can predict which tiny sapling will become the wise old oak. Some face storms that others never encounter. Some grow in difficult conditions. Some flourish quickly, while others take far longer to reveal their strength.

All we can do is nurture, respect each tree's nature and hope that the care we provide during those early years gives it every opportunity to thrive.

When I adopted my daughter, I realised that our genetic differences almost gave me permission to see her more clearly as her own person. Of course, I wish her earliest experiences could have offered her more safety and stability, because I know those experiences may influence parts of her journey for many years to come. But my greatest responsibility isn't to make her more like me. It's to listen, stay curious, hold the space and help her discover who she already is.

This reflection also makes me think of many adopted people. They may one day meet people whose branches look remarkably like theirs, yet whose lives have been shaped by entirely different seasons, climates and experiences. Belonging can feel wonderfully simple and incredibly complex all at the same time.

At Wild Hearts Creative, we believe creativity gives children a gentle way to show us their branches. A drawing, a story, a handful of clay or a carefully chosen colour may tell us far more than direct questions ever could. Rather than trying to fix children, we aim to build connection, remain curious and create opportunities for them to find their own voice.

Because genes may influence who we are, but relationships, experiences and belonging help shape who we become.

My hope is that every child knows this: wherever your roots began, whatever stands beside you and however tall you grow, you are wonderfully unique. Your worth has never depended on becoming someone else's tree.

One of my favourite sayings is the Greek proverb:

"Society grows great when old men plant trees in whose shade they will never sit."

Perhaps that's parenting at its very best.

We nurture children not so they become versions of us, but so they become people who make the world kinder for someone else. If our children grow into adults who notice others, offer kindness and leave behind more shade than they received, then society has been enriched.

And maybe that's all any gardener can ever hope for.

Written by Gem Mullings, founder of Wild Hearts Creative.  Passionate about helping children find their voice through creativitiy, connection and compassionate relationships.